i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
