Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
