and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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