Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
