its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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