I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
