you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
