Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
