Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
