Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
