I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
