you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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