I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
