so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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