We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
When did angry sex become our thing?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.