if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?