yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order