you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.