Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips