I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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