trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
