There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
