i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
