Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize