Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
