Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
