just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize