i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you would pick up someone in the library
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
