I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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