Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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