How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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