my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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