You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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