I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
