would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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