someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
