man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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