Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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