I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
