Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
