It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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