another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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