I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
