can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize