thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
