sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
