I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
