i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
