just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
