Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize