you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize