I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
