Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
