and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
