The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
