Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night