I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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