I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza