You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.