Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
