he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
