I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's blow job season.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
