VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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