Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
