If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
