Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize