Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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