So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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