what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
